Stupified by such a fantastical story that Zorax supposedly works with the Autobon society. Salley continued with the charade; our reporter asked about the sophisticated device perched on the beach beside them. Zorax paused in silence. The alien must have realized the cloaking device was not working because the earthling should not be able to see the device. So Zorax decided to inform the earthling the reality of why he was on the beach.
All the News and anything but the news
Issue #1
Aliens discovered on Earth, they are hiding in plain site using cloaking devices
By Surfingjoe, Staff Writer
Our reporter's walk along a beach will challenge the very boundaries of our understanding.
Driving along Pelican Point, our reporter, "Sally O'Malley" was awestruck by a sunset developing over the horizon. She decided to park and walk along the beach to enjoy the sunset.
As Sally neared the beach, she noticed a man sitting at a portable desk in the distance. Curiosity got the best of her because a man sitting at a desk on the beach was a strange sight! As she approached the desk, what initially appeared to be a solitary figure engrossed in his work became an unnatural scene before her that changed with each step closer to the beach. The man, or so it seemed from a distance, was enveloped in a faint aura. This shimmering bubble blurred the lines between reality and a dreamlike wave of illusion. With a mixture of caution and curiosity, Sally breached the perimeter of this bubble, and the figure's human guise dissolved to reveal its true form, a space alien, from a distant world. The creature's skin glowed with a soft light, its eyes vast and filled with the wisdom of the cosmos.
The alien greeted our reporter, engaging in pleasantries as if encounters of this kind were ordinary. The alien introduced itself as Zorax, a scientist, and continued with other pleasantries. Our reporter had the presence of mind to understand that the alien believed the cloak was still working. Shocked and intrigued, our reporter embraced the charade of conversing normally with the alien. She could have asked a million different questions. Still, for some reason, our reporter simply asked why he was working at a desk on this remote beach.
The alien responded with a story about performing research for the Audobon Society and watching for a rare bird at this particular beach. While waiting to see if the bird would appear, the alien professed the need to catch up on his work while enjoying the beach.
The alien creature began telling Sally about his role as a weather architect and his task to create perfect atmospheric conditions for a vacationing group of extraterrestrial beings from outer space that are visiting Earth. . Zorax explained that Earth, with its diverse climates and natural beauty, has become a sought-after destination for interstellar tourists. His equipment is an advanced technological ensemble capable of fine-tuning weather patterns, creating bespoke environments tailored to the alien visitors' preferences. Zorax began demonstrating the devices ability, the sky danced at its command, showcasing an array of meteorological phenomena from a gentle breeze to rain showers, all while maintaining the beautiful backdrop of the setting sun.
Story contintues @ "Space Alien at a Carribbean Tiki Bar"Space Alien at a Carribbean Tiki Bar
By Surfingjoe, Staff Writer
Zorax, sensing the reporter's growing fascination and understanding, decided to reveal yet another aspect of his extraordinary capabilities. From within the folds of his attire, he produced a small, intricate device unlike any technology known to Earth. It was sleek, emitting a soft luminescence, and covered in symbols that pulsated with a gentle, otherworldly glow.
With a nod towards the reporter, Zorax activated the device, and the air between them shimmered, becoming a window to another place and time. It was as though a curtain had been drawn back, revealing a scene that, under normal circumstances, would have been impossible to witness in the present moment.
Zorax explained that the window to another place displays a vacationing young lady enjoying a cocktail and appetizer at a Caribbean Tiki bar.
Displayed within this ethereal viewport was a pretty young lady, human in appearance, seated at a table. With a touch of the device, the lady was revealed in her true form. Zara, hailing from the star system Zephyr, surprisingly blended in with the early risers. Though distinctly alien, her appearance appeared frightfully real, yet there was complete tranquility; people at the bar didn't seem bothered that a space alien was amongst them. The scene was so vivid, so filled with warmth and life, that the reporter could almost smell the ocean breeze and hear the waves crashing on the shore.
Story contintues "Alien shows more space aliens on Earth"
Introducing the Universal Chatterbox™:
With a universal translator, misunderstanding is a thing of the past. Chatterbox instantly translates any language. You will hear and speak in the regions native tongue, as though you were born to the region.
Our state-of-the-art translator magically adheres to your body or shirt and has an adhesive with a life time guarentee. Easily removes or adheres to you by simply putting your chatterbox in place.
It's waterproof, shatterproof and virtually indestructable.
Order Now and receive a bonus feature: Alien Mode. Because why limit yourself to Earth? Maybe that UFO sighting wasn’t a weather balloon after all.
But wait, there's more! Act now and use the exclusive discount code UNIVERSE at checkout for a 25% discount. Hurry, offer valid until the next solar eclipse in your area!
Features:
- Instantaneous Translation:
- Communicate in over 150 languages
- Adhesive Magic:
- Utilizing our patented Stick-n-Speak™ technology, simply slap the Chatterbox onto any article of clothing.
- Empathy Mode:
- Ever felt like you're missing the emotional undertones? Our Empathy Mode not only translates words but also captures and conveys the emotional essence. Cry or laugh in perfect sync with your foreign friends!
- Battery Life:
- Powered by your own kinetic energy! The more you talk, the longer it lasts. Finally, a reason to never stop talking.
Alien shows more space aliens on Earth
By Surfingjoe, Staff Writer
With another touch on the device, the ethereal viewport changed to another view. Zorax invited our reporter to witness a seemingly ordinary scene at a bustling tiki bar set against the serene backdrop of a Caribbean beach. Initially, the patrons appeared human, casually enjoying cocktails at a Tiki bar. The mood was festive, with laughter mingling with the sound of waves and tropical music.
Another touch on the viewport device, Zorax altered the scene dramatically. The human visage of the couple at the bar faded, revealing the man's true form as an alien. His skin shimmered with hues not native to Earth, and his eyes sparkled with the vibrant colors of their home worlds. The other bar patrons remained undisturbed despite his exotic appearance. The young lady enjoying a coctail with the young man is not aware of his true form. Zorax explained how their cloaking technology allows interstellar visitors to blend seamlessly into Earthly environments without causing alarm or disruption.
"This scene," Zorax explained, "is part of a service package that opens a gateway to a world of wonder and intrigue. It's for my clients who wish to experience Earth's culture and scenic beauty without compromising their privacy or safety. The technology adjusts the weather and ensures cultural integration, fully immersing them in their surroundings."
"We aim to provide a complete extraterrestial package," continued Zorax. "From perfect weather to ensuring our clients can enjoy their leisure time as natives of their vacation spots on Earth. Each setting is meticulously designed to reflect the preferences and comforts of our diverse clientele."
Zorax touched the device and switched to another ethereal view, showing an alien couple lounging with other humans on the beach. "This scene," Zorax explained, "is another view to demonstrate our compatibility with everyone in this world." Zorax explains, "We have been visiting your planet since your first moon shot. Zorax, with a reflective tone, divulged further that their visits to Earth were not a recent development. "Our civilization first became intrigued with your planet during humanity's historic moon landing," he explained. "That monumental event prompted us to explore what lay beyond your lunar neighbor. Upon discovering Earth, we were captivated by its vibrant life and diverse environments—from your lush rainforests and expansive deserts to the deep blues of your oceans." He paused, his eyes reflecting a starlit sky. "It wasn't long before Earth became a jewel in the crown of cosmic wonders, a destination for those among us seeking beauty and tranquility. Your planet's rich tapestry of cultures and natural landscapes offers a unique allure, drawing visitors across the galaxies."
Disclaimer:
The stories included in this paper are reports from Sally O'Mally and written by our staff reporter "Surfingjoe." Sally phoned into our editor and reported this story last night, and was supposed to come into the office to write the stories herself. However, she went missing soon after her call into our editor. Our editor chose to have Surfingjoe write the stories from our recorded phone call. We have also publishing the images sent from her phone. We have not validated her stories because Sally went missing soon after her call.
Cosmic Rover XL
🚀 Fuelled by Stardust, Bound by No Limits:
Why settle for less when you can traverse continents on a single charge? The Cosmic Lincoln Navigator XL promises an unparalleled range of over six million miles, letting you explore from the peaks of Everest to the sands of the Sahara without ever stopping for a recharge.
🛸 Galactic Engineering Meets Luxury:
Inspired by technology from galaxies far, far away, the Cosmic Lincoln Navigator XL combines the spacious comfort of a Lincoln Navigator with the advanced propulsion of interstellar craft. Experience luxury that's literally out of this world, with seats made from the finest Martian leather and a dashboard that doubles as a command center for your intergalactic journeys.
👽 Alien Technology for Earthly Roads:
With gravity-defying suspension and a navigation system that maps the cosmos, the Cosmic Lincoln Navigator XL is equipped to handle any terrain, be it rocky roads or asteroid belts. Its silent, zero-emission drive will leave both earthlings and extraterrestrials green with envy.
🌍 Eco-Friendly, Universe-Approved:
The first SUV that's not just good for the planet but approved by the Intergalactic Environmental Council. Drive with pride knowing your Cosmic Lincoln Navigator XL leaves no footprint - unless you're driving on the moon, that is.
📞 Contact Your Nearest Interdimensional Dealership Today!
Don't miss your chance to own the vehicle that's redefining exploration. The Cosmic Lincoln Navigator XL: Where infinity is just a drive away.
Disclaimer: Teleportation feature coming in 2025. Alien co-pilot not included.
Breaking News: Sally O'Malley Vanishes
🚀 Young Reporter Sally O'Malley Vanishes After Bizarre Alien Encounter on Pelican Point Beach:
In a twist straight out of a sci-fi encounter, a promising young journalist, Sally O'Malley, has disappeared following an extraordinary encounter on Pelican Point Beach. Last seen marveling at a sunset and investigating a man working at a desk on the beach, Sally's unexpected vanishing act has left the newsroom buzzing with a blend of bewilderment, and speculation.
🛸 The Disappearance:
Sally called into our editor and told us the stories about the alien encouter. During Sally's phone call to her editor, Mr. Jenkins, she was abruptly cut off. Her last words—"You won't believe this!"—were followed by an eerie silence and a faint, otherworldly hum. Her phone, camera, and notebook were later found on the sand, but Sally had vanished without a trace.
The newsroom is now a hotbed of speculation. Some believe Sally has been abducted by aliens, while others suspect an elaborate publicity stunt. Her colleagues have started a betting pool on her whereabouts, with theories ranging from "hidden beach resort" to "secret alien enclave."
"Sally always wanted to make headlines," said her friend and fellow reporter, Timmy Tompkins. "But I never thought she'd go this far. If this is a stunt, it's her best one yet."
👽 The Investigation:
Local authorities, though bemused, are taking the case seriously. Sheriff Buford T. Justice has launched a full investigation, admitting it's the strangest case he's ever encountered.
"We're keeping an open mind," Sheriff Justice said with a wink. "After all, truth is stranger than fiction."
🌍 A Message from Beyond?
Adding to the mystery, the newsroom received a cryptic email, allegedly from Sally. Filled with emojis and enigmatic messages, it ended with: "Reporting live from the mothership! Stay tuned, folks!"
Whether it's a genuine message or another prank, one thing is certain: Sally O'Malley's disappearance has left everyone eagerly awaiting the next installment of this intergalactic mystery.